My Probable Life, As I Choose To See It

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(Most of the essays I share on this website have been previously published, but here’s a rare one that I never sent out…)

The following events, as depicted in my upcoming memoir, may or may not have happened depending on your definition of absolute truth, imagination, the art of possibility, memory repression, literary license, embellishment, Oprah-baiting, or telling lies for money.

…..I may or may not have eaten all the chocolate frosting off my birthday cake when I was four years old and all of my relatives were in the back yard getting drunk.
…..All of my relatives have drinking problems.
…..I drink, but it’s not a problem.

Continue reading →

Pre-Writing: Real Work or Daydreaming?

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“My mind works in idleness. To do nothing is often my most profitable way,” observed author Virginia Woolf in a diary entry. Ms. Woolf, certainly no lightweight in the literary output department, was remarking on a writing habit that I have often thought about – the practice I call pre-writing, or letting stuff percolate in your brain before you commit it to paper.

More recently, Edward P. Jones said in an interview about his latest novel All Aunt Hagar’s Children, “I like to work things out in my head first…I thought about it for 10 years,” He was referring to the writing process that led first to his award winning novel The Known World, and now to this much-anticipated work.

Thought about it for 10 years. Now, if you are not a writer, your immediate reaction might be what a slacker!

But that statement was pure music to my ears. The very process Mr. Jones describes is what I have always referred to as “pre-writing.”

Pre-writing may seem to others to resemble any of the following states of being: slacking off, staring into space, puttering, watching television. The writer may appear to be doing any or all of these things, possibly even all at once. What may not be obvious, however, to the casual observer (family member, boss) is that you are thinking deep thoughts in preparation for the work to come. Continue reading →

Some Notes on the Teaching of Writing

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(Originally appeared in the Tishman Review on 8/28/2015. You can link from my Published Works page or read here.)

It struck me one day, when I was in the midst of scribbling notes during a lecture about writing, that I was learning as much about the teaching of writing as I was about the actual act of writing.  And since many, if not most, writers will find themselves in the role of teacher – whether as an actual job or just giving advice to another writer – it also struck me that there is a nice symmetry to the process.  A give and take that is worth thinking about and looking at a little further.  These are some of the things I have learned during my life as both a student and a teacher of writing:

You can have opinions.  I used to think that a teacher should be neutral and present a balanced view of any information he or she is imparting.  But now I believe that the best teachers do have a point of view, and will back up that point of view with concrete examples from their own experiences both as a reader and writer.  Be aware though of the fine line between being confident and being strident and intimidating.  As a teacher of writing you may have some hard and fast rules about writing, but you should also encourage students to experiment with new forms for their work, and the classroom or workshop should be considered a safe place to stretch one’s writing muscles.

The most effective lectures or presentations are ones where the teacher has really thought through and organized the material he or she wants to present.  One of the best lectures on writing I ever attended was a craft seminar with the rather loosey-goosey title: “Some stuff that will make narrative writing easier, and some stuff that will make it far more difficult.”  But the instructor had well-organized pages of printed notes that he presented to the audience in a fast-paced, organized, and coherent manner that had us hanging on (and copying down) every word. Continue reading →

Proms of Days Gone By

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(I originally shared this essay on a blog I had about five years ago.)

T. S. Eliot was surely not thinking about the prom when he wrote “…there is only the dance.” But for many young women and their moms at this time of year, there couldn’t be a truer statement. For our purposes, we might say “there is only the prom,” and the prom goes on forever. In most high schools, it goes on every weekend in April and May, and even into June.

In my unique and totally weird position as the headmaster’s wife, (weird in that no one who knows me can remotely imagine me in this role), I have actually been to the prom for the past eight years. This is a completely unnatural thing to do as an adult. My husband, the headmaster, and I actually get dressed up like we are prom dates – he in a tuxedo, me in whatever in my closet is clean. Unlike my teenage counterparts I do not do get a manicure, pedicure, highlights, hair extensions, new dress and shoes, or any type of waxing. I do not go to a tanning bed or go on a diet to fit into my dress. I do not have to worry about whether or not I will sleep with my date. This is actually quite liberating. Continue reading →