My Probable Life, As I Choose To See It

 

(Most of the essays I share on this website have been previously published, but here’s a rare one that I never sent out…)

The following events, as depicted in my upcoming memoir, may or may not have happened depending on your definition of absolute truth, imagination, the art of possibility, memory repression, literary license, embellishment, Oprah-baiting, or telling lies for money.

…..I may or may not have eaten all the chocolate frosting off my birthday cake when I was four years old and all of my relatives were in the back yard getting drunk.
…..All of my relatives have drinking problems.
…..I drink, but it’s not a problem.

Continue reading

Books Go Better With…

( I published this on a blog I had a while back…)

A recent book review in the Philadelphia Inquirer pointed out the rather insidious use of product placement in the young adult novel Cathy’s Book. In this case Cover Girl cosmetics (owned by Procter & Gamble) get mentioned as part of the story, causing the nonprofit group Commercial Alert to point out the use of shady product placement. A stroll through the children’s department of your local bookstore might also have you wondering. Here you might see The Cheerios Play Book, The M & M’s Brand Counting Book and The Pepperidge Farm Goldfish Fun Book. 

The latest entry into this slightly disturbing trend of product crossover is another children’s book Cashmere If You Can, a children’s picture book about some cute little goats who just happen to live on the roof of the Saks Fifth Avenue flagship store. This concept of product branding crossed with literature is not limited to children’s books – in 2001 Fay Weldon’s novel The Bulgari Connection caused the literary world to collectively pucker its lips in disapproval.

This trend of tying commercial products with literary works seems likely to continue, so to that end I am happy to suggest here a possible list of book/product tie-ins that might work well. (Note: if any companies wish to use these, please notify my desired corporate sponsor, Godiva Chocolate.) Continue reading

The Whoosh

(A new unpublished essay, posted just for this website.)

I had been standing on the corner of Huron and Michigan Avenue waiting for the light to change from red to green. There was quite a mob of us, some already loaded down with bags from upscale boutiques or department stores or with the world famous caramel corn from the shop right around the corner. No one seemed to think it was odd to be eating caramel corn at 11:00 in the morning. The place had a line from the moment they opened, no matter if it was one hundred degrees or a blizzard.

I had snaked my way to the front of the crowd, ready to launch across Michigan Avenue as soon as the light turned green. I have always been like this. In a hurry to get from one thing to the next. I have no patience for dawdlers and also old people who slog along like they have all the time in the world.

The light turned green. I put my right foot out and leaned ever-so-slightly forward, at the ready. I must have been distracted by something because I didn’t go into my full launch mode right away.

And then. Continue reading