(The link below will take you to a humor essay I published in Main Line Today about riding the Septa trains in Philadelphia.)
Humor
Column Ideas That Never Made It
(Originally published in Main Line Life 7/1/08.)
During my decades-long career as a newspaper columnist, it has always been my habit to keep notebooks where I write down brief comments and observations. These are often just a line or two that capture a first impression of something I might want to write about later. All writers I know have these notebooks – you simply cannot rely on memory to re-create an idea or image that you may have had twelve hours ago, even if it seemed unforgettable at the time.
Sadly, many of these impressions and comments do not provide enough fodder for an entire essay. (And believe me, I can write 750 words on just about any topic you give me.) They do, however, deserve life as brief, pithy zingers. A couple of times a year, I like to put some of these together as column ideas that never quite made it to the big time.
…When I look at the list of top-selling music CDs and artists for each week, I have rarely heard of a single one.
…The words “restaurant-inspired food for cats” should never appear together. Likewise for the phrase “doggie spa.”
Seniors Not Going Gently Into That Good Night
(Originally published in Main Line Life 4/16/08.)
Suddenly they are everywhere. Old people. They’re featured in full-page magazine ads for fitness centers, and in television commercials they are seen hiking mountains in Nepal, and trekking to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. They smile broadly (with braces, yet!) as they twirl gaily about the dance floor, or kayak across a glacial lake in the wilds of Canada. They’re drinking pomegranate juice and soy lattes, eating bran muffins in between yoga and tennis, and tracking their retirement accounts on their laptops. They are banding together and living in nice, sunny climates in gated enclaves with gourmet cooking classes, book groups, and personal trainers.
It used to be that youth was the thing. Young people once had it all – freedom to hitchhike around Europe on ten dollars a day, VW buses that sputtered down purple highways on the way to California, all the really great rock bands. A pouty and hip Mick Jagger sang way back when What a drag it is getting’ old…(More on that later.)
Thoughts on Rejection in the Middle of the Night
(Originally published in The Writer magazine.)
Whenever I teach a writing class I bring along a few samples of rejection letters I have received over my years of freelancing. I don’t do this to scare my students – rather, seeing a real rejection letter sort of demystifies the process for them. After all if I (their teacher, a published author) can receive rejection letters and survive, then maybe it’s not so bad after all. Maybe they can risk getting one as well. At least that is what I focus on when I’m in the classroom with them. At night, however, when I’m up pecking away at my computer on some story that I’m not sure will ever go anywhere except in a manila folder, I have other thoughts about rejection. Thoughts that are not so positive…
…Myth: Rejection can make you a better person. Truth: Rejection can make you cry, yell at your kids, and refuse to cook dinner that night.
…Just because your novel/script/article was rejected for the twenty-third time, it’s not your mailman’s fault, so don’t glare at him when he shows up at your door. In fact, he probably deserves a nice bonus at the holidays for carrying all of those large manila envelopes to and from your house. Continue reading
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